Tuesday, May 09, 2006

So... what now??

So as I sit here in the evening and reflect on my day... (and my average day off work for that matter) I find myself wondering "What the fuck?"

Why did I just waste most of an entire day off work doing nothing at all?... I literally sat here most of the day... What the fuck?

Why can I not find motivation to do anything anymore?... I dont feel like cleaning my house, I don't feeling like taking the pile of crap in my front yard to the dump, I don't feel like fixing one of my two cars (neither of which have been on the road in about 1.5 years), I dont feel like searching for jobs. I do, however, feel like expanding my skills as a guitarist/musician, I keep trying to write new songs, something I seem to be half decent at, though the lyrics are a challenge, I don't want to just write about any old bullshit... problem is every time I pick up my guitar I feel guilty that I am not disciplined enough to complete life's chores before studying my hobbies, and it completley kills my motivation (hey, not a bad idea for a song)... What the fuck?

Why am I still in the same job after 7 years? Seriously, what the hell am I thinking. I know I like having the security of a paycheque, but I can always be searching. I have outgrown my job so much. There is nothing more I can learn, and I'm not moving up. The people I have to work with have no clue how to work as a team, I could do my job backwards and upside down and still have time to do everyone else's shit. I get paid at least $10 000 less per year than I am worth. So I sit in debt, working my ass off! I worked 60 hours last week to try to make some extra cash... Why am I settling for having to do that? Why am I still there?... What the fuck?

What the hell am I doing with my life... seems to be wasting away. I have a shitloads of potential to do anything I want, but I'm too lazy to get off my ass and make some changes. The fact that I can see all of this so clearly makes it 10 times worse... What the fuck?

Will someone please come and kick my ass on a daily basis until I do something about all this? Please???


Blogger caramaena said...

Well, it's been over a month since you posted this - have you done anything about it???

Hey I know what it's like. I work in a call centre. I hate the area I'm in right now and I need to get myself into another job. Have I done anything about it? No, I haven't. Problem for me is my employer does pay well. If I move I doubt I could find something equal pay wise (in fact we just got a bonus). So, I'm still there. I'm no longer happy there now (it's just this current role, that they assigned us, that is awful).

6:38 PM  

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